This Pride Month, I keep thinking about courage.
Not the kind of courage that jumps out of airplanes or climbs mountains.
The quieter kind.
The kind that looks in the mirror, sees who you are, and chooses not to hide.
Lately, I’ve been rewatching my favorite show, Sense8, and there was a scene that hit me harder than expected. One of the characters, Lito, is navigating the fear and shame surrounding his sexuality. Watching his journey, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride for him—not because I share his exact experience, but because I recognized something familiar underneath it.
Shame.
I understand what it feels like to believe that some part of who you are makes you less worthy of love.
I understand what it feels like to shrink yourself so other people feel more comfortable.
I understand what it feels like to be judged, criticized, misunderstood, and made to feel like something about you is fundamentally wrong.
And it made me realize something:
Shame operates in surprisingly similar ways, even when the circumstances are completely different.
It tells gay people they’re wrong for loving who they love.
It tells women they’re wrong for being sexual.
It tells sensitive men they’re weak.
It tells anyone who falls outside society’s expectations that they should make themselves smaller in order to be accepted.
Different stories.
Different consequences.
And while I would never compare my experience to the discrimination, fear, or challenges many LGBTQ+ people face, I do recognize the emotional language of shame when I see it.
I recognize the feeling of believing that some part of yourself must be hidden in order to be loved.
For years, I’ve wrestled with my own versions of that story.
Too feminine.
Too sexy.
Too emotional.
Too ambitious.
Too visible.
Too unapologetically myself.
Different labels. Same wound.
And the older I get, the more I realize how much of that shame was never mine to begin with.
It was inherited.
Conditioned.
Taught.
Passed down through families, institutions, religions, cultures, and systems that convince us we must earn our belonging.
Because a person who loves and trusts themselves is difficult to control.
A person who knows their worth asks questions, sets boundaries, challenges expectations, and chooses for themselves.
And that can be threatening to systems that depend on obedience more than authenticity.
What moved me most about Lito wasn’t simply that he came out. It was that he stopped asking permission to exist. He stopped negotiating with his own truth. He chose authenticity over approval.
And that is one of the bravest things a human being can do.
Whether you’re coming out as LGBTQ+.
Leaving a religion.
Starting over after a divorce.
Choosing a different path than your family wanted for you.
Speaking your truth.
Owning your desires.
Living in a way that feels authentic to your soul.
Every act of self-expression in a world that rewards conformity is an act of courage.
That’s why Pride matters.
Not because everyone has the same story.
But because authenticity deserves to be celebrated.
Visibility deserves to be celebrated.
Love deserves to be celebrated.
This month, I simply want to say:
I see you.
I may not understand every part of your journey, but I see your courage.
I see what it costs to be yourself in a world that sometimes asks you not to be.
I see what it takes to love out loud when you’ve been taught to hide.
And I’m proud of you.
More than you’ll probably ever know.
Not for being perfect.
Not for fitting into anyone else’s expectations.
But for choosing yourself.
Again and again.
Even when it would be easier not to.
Maybe that’s what Pride taught me about shame.
Shame survives in silence.
Pride begins the moment we stop apologizing for who we are.
And every person brave enough to live authentically makes it a little easier for the rest of us to do the same.
xo, Ria
Wow! This was wonderful! So well written and so honest. Simple and easy and genuine and passionate.
I love that you have reached a point in life that you can reflect and articulate your feelings about your own journey so well. Talking about living with shame and rising above it is awesome and yeah you made me cry🥺.
I’m glad that you’re proud of yourself. That’s the most important thing. Feeling Pride this month and always for anyone who carries shame is important and it matters. Well done🫶🏻
Stop, now you’re going to make me cry 🥺😭❤️
Seriously though, thank you.
One of the most rewarding parts of writing and sharing my stories has been discovering that some of my most personal reflections end up being the things other people connect with most. It reminds me that we’re all carrying similar struggles in different ways.
I’m really grateful you took the time to read it and share this. Knowing it resonated with you makes being vulnerable and putting my thoughts out there feel so worth it ❤️🫶🏽
Beautifully written Ria!
Going through this it certainly brought to me the concept of taking on shame versus showing up authentically. People often place their system of beliefs into those around them which often leads to that complex of taking on that feeling of shame to fit their narrative. This in turn causes someone to go through a shrinking of themselves and reduce that authenticity.
So that begs the question, what can be done to avoid this? In my view, I say it starts with education and enlightening people what it means to be authentic. To realize the person that you are isn’t meant to fit some box that is set up by someone else.
The second step is to remove yourself from those circumstances that are making you smaller than who you actually are. This can be one of the more difficult processes to accomplish as those feelings of shame often are generated because of what is instilled in us through our peers, leaders, or even loved ones. This can be made a little easier with an additional method.
To help solidify a breakthrough in shrinking thought patterns is to find a strong support system. This helps find the confidence to make that move of escaping old ways of thinking and embracing who you are meant to be deep down. This also gives you the chance to tell your story and help anyone else that may be going through their own struggles.
All this easier said than done of course, and I would never expect this to be accomplished over night. Whether it be about one’s sexuality, belief system, or even lifestyle, so long as it brings no harm, you deserve to live so that you find fulfillment.
This is such a thoughtful comment ❤️
I really resonated with what you said about people placing their own belief systems onto others. I think a lot of us spend years carrying shame that was never actually ours to begin with.
And I completely agree about the importance of a support system. It’s much easier to embrace authenticity when you’re surrounded by people who encourage you to grow instead of shrink.
I also love your point that this isn’t an overnight process. I think authenticity is something we choose again and again throughout our lives.
Thank you for adding to the conversation. ❤️